I bet you didn’t know that I’m the kind of person who has multiple projects going at the same time. Yes, it’s not typically how to be “successful”, but I crave variety and it’s a way to feed that part of me so that everything I do feels fresh and exciting.
Recently, I was at, not exactly a crossroads but more like a dead end on 2 of my projects! One an art project (sculpture) another writing.
I was eager to get back to my sculpture after taking off like 2 years (busy being a grandma and focusing on other things). I jumped into it thinking I knew where I was going, only as I started to build it up, it looked, well, how do I say it nicely… it looked TERRIBLE!
Part of my brain was telling me to push ahead and just finish it, while another part was fighting against that because, really? Should I add more to bad? Won’t that just make it worse?
Only not moving ahead meant deconstructing it, re-working it, and not exactly starting over, but kinda.
At one point, I seriously considered quitting. It’s true. I could not see the way ahead.
And then a few days later, I sat on the floor and took the whole thing apart. I released the idea of what I had wanted it to look like and embraced what it wanted to be instead.
A similar thing happened with a writing project. My initial plan needed to be significantly modified. Not only did that seem like a TON of work, but I couldn’t see the way through.
I couldn’t unhook my mind from the way I’d created my initial manuscript to make room for a new possibility. Again, I seriously thought about quitting. In part because the discomfort of not seeing a solution was so dang uncomfortable! And then slowly, slowly, slowly, I began to glimpse it.
If you’ve ever undergone any kind of creative venture, even a dinner party or a business, then you know that there’s often a point at which the initial idea comes to its natural end. And that’s when, in some ways, the real work actually starts. Because that’s the moment of decision. You’ve gone past inspiration into perspiration. And the question is: are you gonna keep moving and deepening into this or walk away?
This is a common trajectory. Only when we’re in the midst of it, it’s hard to be objective or insightful! Thankfully, in my most recent moment, I was able to move through each challenge until I had clarity and space to see a way through.
I’m graced with the ability to have many things come easily to me. The challenge, however, for me as for others like me, is that when something starts to get hard, that’s when I have to actually work at it!
I can’t tell you how many projects, skills, classes and hobbies I’ve quit. Suffice to say a lot. Now I’m more selective and more willing to persevere when the learning gets tough as things invariably do. Maybe it’s aging. Or maybe it’s the recognition that to do anything well requires a commitment.
Sometimes I think about Malcolm Gladwell and his notion that we must do a task for 10,000 hours to gain mastery. I’m not exactly sure, but I can say that regardless of how either of these projects – my story or sculpture- turn out, I’m grateful for the journey. Each one, in its own way, forced me to go deeper within my being to find the answers.
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Image by Jason Leung on Unsplash