The Buzz in My Root Chakra
Since last December, I’ve been doing a curious exploration.
It started over the winter holidays when one day I had this acute sensation that I was going to be “replaced.” At first I didn’t even have words for the intense anxiety and fear I was in.
It wasn’t until my husband asked me what was going on, that the words popped out of my mouth. “I’m afraid that I’m going to be replaced.”
You can imagine the look of astonishment on his face.
It’s illogical.
In my desire to understand the root of this fear, I ended up tracing it back to infancy.
This makes perfect sense because when I was just about to turn one, my younger sister was born. And to my infantile reptilian brain, that meant I was getting replaced!
What's most startling about this revelation, is that on a conscious level, I never felt replaced! (Angry? Yes!)
If anything, I always felt like the golden child, the wanted child, the loved child. But somewhere hidden away in the recesses of my cells, was this other story.
As 2022 has unfolded, this particular turning point in my young life keeps coming up, offering me more opportunities for healing.
Most recently, I began to explore the idea of basic trust.
According to psychologist Erik Erikson, there are 8 stages of psychosocial development that we humans undergo. Basic trust (versus mistrust) is stage I. Another way to think about basic trust is to think about how a person perceives the world around them either as being safe or unsafe, friendly or hostile.
In full disclosure, I’ve always struggled with feeling like the world was unsafe. In other words, I lack basic trust even though I never felt like I had a justifiable reason! Because, as I just explained, I was loved.
But now that I’m exploring this part of my past, being a one year-old, and fearing that my needs won’t get met, it makes perfect sense. Right?
This time around, I wanted to explore the idea of trust versus mistrust on a bodily level and immediately realized it was connected to the first chakra. For the root chakra is associated with feelings of safety and security.
So I decided to go on a journey within, to see what I might find inside the energy of my first chakra.
After centering and readying myself, I walked in.
What I saw was myself as an infant lying apart from my mother who was holding my baby sister in her arms. Curiously, I didn’t feel the need to pick myself up and nurture the baby version of me. Instead, I felt the desire to reunite all three of us together.
I began to move towards the image of the three of us, feeling myself as this large, mothering presence. I then enfolded all of us – my baby self, my mother, and my infant sister- together with me in this dark cape. It felt so loving.
After awhile, I began to feel a buzzing sensation in my root chakra. I didn’t ignore it but I also didn’t react to it. I simply allowed it to be there. And then it became itchy. Again, I held the space, allowing the sensation to exist. Eventually, it subsided.
My guess is that it was healing itself on a cellular level. Shifting the vibrations from mistrust to trust.
If any of this crazy story resonates with you, I encourage you to listen to my guided meditation #66 called: Walk Into Safety & Basic Trust because it will invite you to take a similar journey.
What awes me about choosing to undergo these kinds of experiences, is that initially I often feel trepidation. Like oh, this’ll be scary, it’ll hurt, something bad will happen... But I swear, every single time I do one of these, it feels the exact opposite! I feel completely loved, held, supported and nurtured.
So why not give it a try?
It's clear that this year, 2022, is asking us to unearth outdated stories, beliefs, and unconscious material that has perhaps lain dormant for decades in order to heal- personally and collectively- in deep, foundational ways.
I know it can feel unsettling, yet the benefit far outweighs the discomfort. Agree?