A Journey to Release Shame
The forces that are churning right now – be they planetary, societal, energetic – are clearly telling us that it is time to change.
On a personal level, the invitation is to shed old stories or beliefs we’ve held about ourselves. For we know when we change ourselves, the world changes.
Over the holidays, I had an opportunity to do this when an unconscious story/belief unexpectedly came into my awareness. It came tumbling into the moment when I blurted out a most surprising phrase!
At the time, I had a house full of family mostly trapped indoors because of inclement weather. One morning, a minor incident occurred, only I experienced it as an overstep of my personal boundaries.
Normally when this type of situation occurs, I get angry. But this time, I found myself underneath the anger, and before I knew it, I was literally sobbing. Snotty tears running down my face.
When my husband wandered into the room, he took one look at me and asked, “what’s wrong?”
Wet faced, I began to explain how I felt dismissed, discounted, replaced.
"Replaced?" He asked. "You?"
I looked at him, complete shock registering on my face, that the word REPLACED had actually come out of my mouth.
"Never," he said, as he enfolded me in his arms. "You are irreplaceable."
Even though I knew his words were true, I wasn't believing them. Instead, I felt like a small, vulnerable child, filled with shame because she was about to be exiled, kicked out, replaced with a newer model.
In an effort to unpack exactly what was going on, I began doing somatic work. This helped me identify that my feeling of being replaced was primal and old. It went back to infancy, just before I turned 1, when my sister was born. And even though I never consciously experienced a feeling of being replaced, having received plenty of affection and attention, this dis-belief was lodged in my reptilian brain.
Someone or something was a threat to my very existence.
Whenever these stories/beliefs bubble up to the surface, the invitation is to release them. After doing a variety of somatic techniques, there was still a lingering piece that I couldn't shake. So I decided to do an internal journey (similar to shamanic journeying).
As I opened up, allowing myself the space to discover, I soon found myself in a stone room. Sitting in front of a large hearth was a little girl dressed in rags. She told me she’d been thrown away. I picked her up and held her in my arms, speaking soothing and loving words to her. Shortly thereafter, we were joined by the Divine Mother who blessed us with her presence and words. She told me that I am always loved, as the holy child of God, as a maiden, and as a wise woman.
I share my journey to release this shame story with you because it feels prescient.
If you have an old story/belief, be it conscious or unconscious, that is up for you, I invite you to listen to this guided meditation journey I created called Release the Past.
Use it to help you with your healing process. I promise, there is NOTHING to be afraid of.
If you feel it would be helpful to process this experience with another person, reach out to a friend or therapist, or schedule an appointment with me.
This being in a body can sometimes feel challenging. I am certain, however, that what we are always being invited to do is to remember who we really are. To return to love which is our original nature.
Use this guided meditation to help you release that block, to help you more easily remember who you really are and step into love.